It's never easy, especially when
you've built your lives around each other and you thought it would last
forever. Before you end a long-term relationship, make sure you've done all
you can to salvage it. In addition to solution-based communication
(rather than just complaining) and counseling.
Totally commit to doing all you can for physical and spiritual self-improvement, such as daily exercise, avoiding processed foods and sugar, and regular meditation.
This will help you realize the best in both of you, which may bring you
closer together. If not, you'll be able to part on friendlier terms. If
your partner is not willing to participate, it may be another
indication that it's over.
Next, be absolutely certain before you end a long-term relationship.
Once you are certain it's over, here's how not to end a long-term relationship:
1) Cheat--If you do this it will just cause more conflict and everyone will blame the demise of your relationship on infidelity,
which is often only a symptom of the other problems. That aside, it's
interesting that few people ever blame the end of a long-term
relationship on strict monogamy.
2) Delay ending the relationship because you don't want to hurt him. It will just be more difficult the longer you wait.
3) Be a jerk, hoping she will dump you. This creates even more problems.
4) Fail to communicate about the problems.
5) Pretend everything is fine and then leave without any explanation.
This is cowardly, unfair to your ex, and will cause you negative karma.
How to end a long-term relationship, when you are ready to make the announcement:
1) Choose the right time and place.
2) Be direct, yet polite and compassionate, even if he is not. Avoid
criticizing and blaming. You don't want to create any negative karma in
the process of leaving (the act of breaking-up itself does not).
3) Remind her that you've done all you can, you two are not compatible
enough for a relationship, it's best to move on, and that if you remain
together, it will prevent you both from finding people who are more
compatible.
Now that you have a better idea about how to end a long-term
relationship, you can help your partner and yourself do so in the best
way possible.
CLICK HERE to meet Mature Singles over 40
There can be times when ones relationships are free from problems and
then there can be moments when this is not the case. One could also be
in a position where this is the only thing they know and they have never
experienced relationships that have flowed.
Conflict
Conflict is then something they have been accustomed to and while
conflict is not always negative, if it’s the only thing that one has
known, it is going to be. To live a life where there is only agreement
and an absence of conflict can sound appealing, but it doesn’t reflect
reality.
No matter how close someone is or how long they have known each
other for, it doesn’t mean that they will always agree with each other.
Now, this doesn’t mean that it has to spiral out of control and turn
into abuse or violence.
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK
Responsibility
Each person can own their experience as opposed to getting into
finger pointing and therefore, renouncing responsibility. When someone
says that they never experience conflict and everything is fine, they
could be telling the truth and at the same time, it could mean that
they’re living in denial.
Their problems are then being repressed and one is then out of touch
with themselves. In the short term this might be the easiest option,
but as time passes, the consequences could be severe.
Growth
When one takes responsibility for how they feel and are open to the
part that they may be playing in what is taking place, it will create
the opportunity for growth. This could relate to their growth as an
individual, the other persons growth and to the growth of the
relationship.
And at the same time, the other person might not be open to looking
at what needs to change and so, the only person who benefits is oneself.
The other person resists the change and ends up staying as they are
and this is likely to mean that the relationship will come to an end.
Acceptance
However, while one can change themselves, they can’t change other
people. And if another person is not open to feedback or willing to talk
about what is creating conflict, one is going to need to accept it.
When feelings are involved, it is not easy to accept the fact that
another person’s is unwilling to change. And so it is only natural to
persist, even though nothing it is going to change. At least one can
walk away knowing that they played their part.
The Opposite
To take responsibility for how one feels and to accept that one is
not just an observer of what is taking place in a relationship is a sign
of maturity and self awareness. As a result of this, there is then no
reason why one can’t experience relationships that are fulfilling and
life affirming.
However, if one doesn’t own how they feel and believes they are just
observing what is taking place, then it is going to be a lot harder for
them to experience relationships that are fulfilling and life
affirming.
Two Sides
This can cause one to believe that they have it all together and
that the other person is the problem. And while this can stop one from
having to look in the mirror, it can cause them to stay stuck.
It could also cause one to feel like a victim and that they have no
control when it comes to their relationships. One is then helpless and
there is no way for them to have the kind of relationship/s that they
want.
More Than An Observer
If one continues to experience the same problems, then it is a sign
that they need to look within themselves. As human beings, we play a
part in what we experience and then our mind observes what is taking
place.
And if one is out of touch with their body, they can end up
believing that they have played no part in what is showing up and that
they are simply the observers of their reality. But while the people
they meet are different, the person who keeps showing up is oneself.
Patterns
If one reflects on the kind of relationships they have had and are
still having, they might begin to notice a number of patterns. For
example, one might find that they attract people who are emotionally
unavailable, self centred and/or needy, among other things.
When one has a pattern of attracting people are emotionally
unavailable, then there is a strong chance that they are not emotionally
available either. If one attracts people who are self centred, this
could be a sign that one doesn’t feel comfortable with their own needs
and believes that other peoples needs are more important.
And the reason one attracts people who are needy is likely to be the
result of them being disconnected from their own neediness. The
neediness of others is then an externalisation of what they have denied
within themselves.
Blame
So blaming others might be something one is used to, but if the same
people keep showing up, it is going to be important for one to look
within themselves. This is likely to be more painful in the short term,
but the long term benefits will outweigh the short term pain.
Here one might need the assistance of a therapist or a healer, or
some kind of coach. Reading up about relationships will also give one
the chance to see why they attract the people they do and why the same
problems continually appear.
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK
Holding on to a failed relationship in the guise that you want him
as a friend is in no way a wrong thing to do but the fact that you know
it cannot be salvaged and you still hold on to a man who probably has
moved on is an injustice to yourself and your love life. Every woman
hopes to meet a man who would understand her, appreciate her, love and
care for her for the rest of her life but this is not always the case.
For one reason or another, you have had a relationship breakdown and the
only option was for the both of you to go your separate ways. But out
of hope on a possible reconciliation and a makeup, you chose to remain
friends with your ex and have him hang around. There’s a danger in this
and most women are not even aware of what danger this possess to them.
Having an ex or a past fling hanging around, hoping things could get
back to how they were is not entirely a bad idea, after all there is a
possibility that you could get back together and work out your
differences. But, sometimes, it would not work out like this. Rather
than looking up ahead and forging a better life for yourself, you’d
still hang on to what is left with this guy, hoping on an ever fading
hope of reconciliation. While you are at it, you may be missing your
opportunity of meeting a better guy- your Mr. Right. Because you still
have this person around, your chance of meeting your Mr. Right becomes
diminished.
You need to understand that obviously your ex may not be
coming back and no matter the strategies you use, it is over between the
both of you completely. You have to let him go and give other people a
chance. Yes, you may have truly loved your ex, you gave your soul, body
and heart to him and because of the deep affection you had for him, you
have found it difficult to let go. It is time to start breaking off
those bonds otherwise you would be stuck with loving someone who would
never be with you.
Past flings and Ex’s should be confined to a phase of your life –in
the past. You need to get back to living your life and enjoying it. Get
out and do things that would clear your mind off these people. Start
chasing your career if you weren’t and if you were, it’s time to take it
to the next level. Spend time at the gym, Engage in community service,
visit the poor and orphaned and give them support. Get busy doing things
that would distract your mind from the thoughts of these failed
relationships. It is even when you are doing these that your Mr. Right
would come around.
Bear in mind that Mr. Right is not going to be Mr. Perfect. You need
to be cautious so you don’t repeat the mistakes of your previous
relationships. You know the things you did wrong then or tolerated from
your ex then. You wouldn’t want a repeat this time. So set boundaries so
you both know what you want out of the relationship. Now that you have a
better experience, you are better suited to handle your love life.
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK
There’s
nothing wrong with being single, or having a non-traditional
relationship. No matter what your love life status, here are some love life tips you can use year-round to make the most of it.
1) Accept how your love life is right now. This isn’t easy, so you’ll
have to repeatedly remind yourself, especially when it seems like your
circumstances couldn’t get worse. Once you accept being single or your
relationship as it is, it will be easier to cherish the good things
about your situation, and sometimes that will encourage change for the
better.
2) Accept that you don’t need someone else to make you happy. You are
all you need, believe it or not. Once you understand this, a
relationship becomes an added bonus rather than a narcotic drug you
can’t live without. Love addicts experience the crash and yearning for
more far more often than the high.
3) Learn to not care about what other people think about your love
life. It’s really none of their business. Do what makes you happy, even
if it’s not the norm. If you don’t, you’ll have regrets at the end of
your life.
4) Don’t fall for the “one and only soul mate” lie. Some love life
experts claim to have the key to finding “the one,” “your twin soul,”
and other fanciful love life goals. We’ve found through our years of
empirical research that everyone has many soul mates, and most of them
are not meant to result in a life-long, blissful relationship.
5) Don’t fall for the “together forever” fantasy. Sure, it’s
possible, and in rare cases couples do grow old together without great
suffering and sacrifices that make them die inside.
Unfortunately, most
couples who commit at a very young age find that they’re not compatible
enough for a traditional relationship after five, ten, or twenty years.
Couples in prior generations had to remain together due to sociological
and economical reasons. Today, singles
and couples have more options, and that’s a good thing. The length of a
relationship isn’t important; what you learn and the love you give is.
6) Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t have an ideal relationship,
the type of love life that some celebrities seem to have as described in
the media. Like an airbrushed photo, what they present to the world and
the reality might be two different things. In fact, in some cases, you
might be shocked to know the truth about the relationship.
7) Consider karma and fate. Even if you use your free will to do all
you can to improve your love life, and you should, things won’t always
go as you hope due to the ever-present laws of karma and fate. This
doesn’t mean you’re being punished, but it might mean that you’re going
through a learning phase now for a more wonderful love experience later.
8) Lighten up and relax! It’s so easy to get caught up in your
routine and be stressed out from the responsibilities of life. But if
you don’t take “me time” to relax, rejuvenate, and become centered,
whether it’s through meditation or other ways, it’s more difficult to present your best, beautiful self to your partner or a new potential love interest.
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK
Online Dating can be a very
rewarding experience, but also at times an extremely daunting one. No
matter how confident or professionally successfully you are, signing up
to a dating site is a scary prospect. Perhaps one of the biggest worries
is how to portray yourself effectively in so few lines?
Your online dating profile can be as important as a photo in
attracting perspective dates, but how do you sum yourself up accurately
and impressively in so few words? Luckily following these few simple
tips can make this process a lot easier for you and make your dating experience a whole lot more successful.
Mature Online Dating - UK
Mature Online Dating - South Africa
- Be
Positive! It is essential to be positive in your approach to online
dating and in how you represent yourself. Negativity is a turn off, so
in your profile talk about things you love not hate, and how excited you
are to be joining a online dating service, not how nervous or apprehensive you maybe.
- Be Unique! There will be thousands of profiles out there; many will
be very similar and typical. Make yours stand out from the crowd, don't
worry about putting the odd person off, you'll attract much more
interest through your individuality and uniqueness.
- Use Examples – When describing yourself, don't just say that you
like films, say what films you like. If you like reading, what books do
you like? If you describe yourself as funny, be funny in your online dating profile, don't just claim it.
- Honesty – There may be a big temptation to embroider the truth or
even just make things up. You don't need to, you are interesting and
exiting enough as you are. Plus if a relationship does happen then these
lies may be hard to cover up and come back to bite you.
- Photo – Photos are integral to dating websites, despite other
temptations you should pick a good, but honest and fairly recent photo
of yourself, doing otherwise will just cause complications later. Let
the photo show the kind of person you are, if your sporty why not use a
picture of you playing a sport?
- Relax – One of the biggest advantages of online dating sites is that
there is little pressure. Unlike meeting face to face you don't need to
be quick witted or confident to impress. You can take your time in
producing an impressive profile that says everything you want about
yourself, you can make your perfect first impression.
MATURE DATING - UK
MATURE DATING - SOUTH AFRICA
The online dating world is an exciting one, with a lot of opportunities
and if you follow these tips you should be well on the way to many
successful dates.
If you've lost a significant other, then it's time to stand up, brave
your heart and continue a course that has long been forgotten: DATING.
Granted, it should be understood that age does not necessarily equate to
maturity, but most seniors (hopefully) have come to view ideas and
events differently than they viewed them in their 20s or 30s.
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK
Are you ready for mature dating?
According to an online suite 101 article, there are many benefits of age
that may naturally be implemented in mature dating. Opinions to the
contrary, this isn't necessary a bad thing. Many Seniors take time to
explore their talents or simply to observe more deeply than perhaps they
have ever observed in their lives.
Take time to walk in beautiful gardens or to listen to music as you sit and talk softly.
Some questions that will revel your date's interests and personality:
- What is your most treasured possession and why?
- Which is the last book you read?
- Which is the one job in the world that you would love to do?
- Do you believe a cup is half empty or half full?
- If you could travel through time, what single mistake would you correct in life?
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK
Mature Dating: less worry over physical appearance!
That's freedom - Take time to love who you are.
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK
It seems that some people are born with confidence, while others
struggle with even the quickest interactions with strangers. Some people
had confidence at one point in their lives and then lost it, but there
is no reason to let low self-confidence get you down, as there are
plenty of ways to rebuild your confidence.
Work On Your Appearance
Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to be in the shape of a
bodybuilder or have the face of a movie star in order to get pretty
women. Regardless of what you look like, there is someone out there who
will find you incredibly attractive. However, many people who wonder how
to build confidence are having a difficult time talking to others
because they do not feel good about themselves.
With that said, one of the first steps in your mission to build
confidence is to work on your appearance. You should not do this for
women; you should do it for yourself! If you feel self-conscious about
your weight, try dieting or exercising to shed a couple of pounds. You
don't have to lose a lot of weight, even a few pounds will make you
instantly feel better about yourself. If your clothing makes you feel
like a slob, try going out and buying a couple of new outfits. They do
not have to be expensive or fancy, just something that makes you feel
good about yourself. If you feel good about your appearance, you will
feel more confident when you are talking to others.
Try Talking to Strangers
The next step in building confidence is making conversation with
complete strangers. You shouldn't start with women that you are
interested in -- instead, start with a friendly guy at a restaurant or
an older lady at a gas station. Talking to these people, even briefly,
will show you that people aren't going to bite your head off just
because you start a conversation with them. In fact, you might make a
few friends along the way, and you are bound to at least enjoy a couple
of fascinating conversations with others.
Start Small With Women
If the idea of talking to a beautiful woman makes your tongue
automatically twist into a knot, you should start out small. A simple
"hi, how are you?" is usually sufficient. It is rare that the girl will
ignore you and if she does, she probably isn't a girl that you really
want to talk to anyway. You will slowly start to see that these women
will typically start a short conversation with you, which will instantly
help to boost your confidence.
Give Non-Threatening Women a Chance
If talking to the really beautiful women that you see is still
intimidating, you can start by talking to a few girls that you see that
are a bit more normal-looking. You will not be as intimidated to
approach a girl who is average-looking, but you will still learn just
how easy it really is to initiate a conversation with a girl. Not to
mention, you might find that that average girl is actually incredibly
interesting, and you could meet the perfect match during this stage.
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK
Don't Let Setbacks Let You Down
When going through the how to build confidence
steps, you will inevitably meet a few rude people. These people may say
something rude to you, or they may ignore you completely. Being shot
down in this manner can cause plenty of guys with self-confidence issues
to clam back up, but don't let this happen to you. It is inevitable
that there are rude people in this world, but these people are probably
not people that you want to make friends with anyway. Don't let it get
you down, and don't hold it against others -- there are still plenty of
beautiful, exciting and friendly people in this world for you to talk
to.
