Sunday, 26 May 2019

Start Making Self Respecting Choices and Stop Being Needy

Do you know that neediness hijacks the mind and causes one to make choices based on feelings of insecurity, fears of being abandoned or rejected, jealousy, etc.? Do you know this not only makes one feel and appear unattractive it also leaves them feeling out of control and unable to discern whether their choices are actually good ones?
Do you know that means a "needy" person is not in control of themselves or the kind partners they seem to repeatedly find themselves with? Do you know that the only type of person who is willing to accept a needy person is "another" needy person?
Do you know that means needy individuals invariably find themselves in unhealthy relationships that only disappoint and re-traumatise? So is there a way out of this trap? Absolutely!
The way out of this may both astonish and create scepticism so I ask that you be patient and open to what follows because it may be the only thing between where you are now and the possibility of ever realising a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
The way out is to a) realise that neediness is not a normal or natural human trait and b) to totally delete it from within.
Now until you are able to realise the above it will be essentially impossible to accept that it is in fact the truth.


For instance the need for:
Love, Validation, Acceptance, Appreciation, Intimacy, Care taking, Understanding, Attention, Etc. are responsible for what many refer to as co-dependent relationship patterns.
Individuals who harbour such (and other related) needs are not "whole" rather they find themselves feeling deficient and "in need" of those qualities. The problem is that they have been made to believe that those qualities reside in and can only be supplied to them by others.
As I think you can see this leaves them in a dependent and desperate position where they are constantly having to secure someone else's presence, attention, love, understanding, validation, etc. simply in order to feel momentarily secure and content.
The key word there is "momentary" because as soon as the other must attend to something else the person in question immediately returns to feeling insecure, anxious, etc.
So what does this person tend to do? Well, resort to desperate behaviours that often involve needy, controlling and manipulative strategies to get the other person back.
This is what many refer to as "addictive" behaviours.

So how sustainable and attractive are such strategies?
So if I have convinced you that neediness is both destructive and self destructive and you would like to take the first step to becoming a free, whole and self sufficient person then simply place one hand over your Heart, and as if you are speaking from there simply repeat the following to yourself:
"I recognise that neediness in any form is destructive to me and my relationships and I want in my Heart to begin to wake up from this trance of neediness, become a free, empowered, emotionally independent, self sufficient and whole person."
Now take a moment and reflect on how you are feeling inside.  Although this is only an initial exercise in empowerment often individuals are surprised by feelings emerging from within that they can't explain.  For instance one might begin to feel some of the following: an expansion in the chest area, feelings of peace, quiet, stillness, lightness, joy, relief, fullness, clarity, strength, resilience, etc.
If you feel any of the above and you like this kindly affirm it to yourself again as if you are speaking from the Heart and it will grow stronger.
This is the experience of greater consciousness, wakefulness, presence, discernment and inner truth surging up within you. It is the source of clarity and self trust that supports one in all positive self respecting decisions.


Wednesday, 20 March 2019

How to Handle the End of Your Long-Term Relationship

It's never easy, especially when you've built your lives around each other and you thought it would last forever.  Before you end a long-term relationship, make sure you've done all you can to salvage it. In addition to solution-based communication (rather than just complaining) and counseling.

Totally commit to doing all you can for physical and spiritual self-improvement, such as daily exercise, avoiding processed foods and sugar, and regular meditation. This will help you realize the best in both of you, which may bring you closer together. If not, you'll be able to part on friendlier terms. If your partner is not willing to participate, it may be another indication that it's over.

Next, be absolutely certain before you end a long-term relationship.

Once you are certain it's over, here's how not to end a long-term relationship:

1) Cheat--If you do this it will just cause more conflict and everyone will blame the demise of your relationship on infidelity, which is often only a symptom of the other problems. That aside, it's interesting that few people ever blame the end of a long-term relationship on strict monogamy.

2) Delay ending the relationship because you don't want to hurt him. It will just be more difficult the longer you wait.

3) Be a jerk, hoping she will dump you. This creates even more problems.

4) Fail to communicate about the problems.

5) Pretend everything is fine and then leave without any explanation. This is cowardly, unfair to your ex, and will cause you negative karma.

How to end a long-term relationship, when you are ready to make the announcement:

1) Choose the right time and place.

2) Be direct, yet polite and compassionate, even if he is not. Avoid criticizing and blaming. You don't want to create any negative karma in the process of leaving (the act of breaking-up itself does not).

3) Remind her that you've done all you can, you two are not compatible enough for a relationship, it's best to move on, and that if you remain together, it will prevent you both from finding people who are more compatible.

Now that you have a better idea about how to end a long-term relationship, you can help your partner and yourself do so in the best way possible.

CLICK HERE   to meet Mature Singles over 40