Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Do You Always Blame Other People For Your Relationship Problems?

 There can be times when ones relationships are free from problems and then there can be moments when this is not the case. One could also be in a position where this is the only thing they know and they have never experienced relationships that have flowed.

Conflict is then something they have been accustomed to and while conflict is not always negative, if it’s the only thing that one has known, it is going to be. To live a life where there is only agreement and an absence of conflict can sound appealing, but it doesn’t reflect reality.
No matter how close someone is or how long they have known each other for, it doesn’t mean that they will always agree with each other. Now, this doesn’t mean that it has to spiral out of control and turn into abuse or violence.


Each person can own their experience as opposed to getting into finger pointing and therefore, renouncing responsibility. When someone says that they never experience conflict and everything is fine, they could be telling the truth and at the same time, it could mean that they’re living in denial.
Their problems are then being repressed and one is then out of touch with themselves. In the short term this might be the easiest option, but as time passes, the consequences could be severe.

When one takes responsibility for how they feel and are open to the part that they may be playing in what is taking place, it will create the opportunity for growth. This could relate to their growth as an individual, the other persons growth and to the growth of the relationship.
And at the same time, the other person might not be open to looking at what needs to change and so, the only person who benefits is oneself. The other person resists the change and ends up staying as they are and this is likely to mean that the relationship will come to an end.

However, while one can change themselves, they can’t change other people. And if another person is not open to feedback or willing to talk about what is creating conflict, one is going to need to accept it.
When feelings are involved, it is not easy to accept the fact that another person’s is unwilling to change. And so it is only natural to persist, even though nothing it is going to change. At least one can walk away knowing that they played their part.

The Opposite
To take responsibility for how one feels and to accept that one is not just an observer of what is taking place in a relationship is a sign of maturity and self awareness. As a result of this, there is then no reason why one can’t experience relationships that are fulfilling and life affirming.
However, if one doesn’t own how they feel and believes they are just observing what is taking place, then it is going to be a lot harder for them to experience relationships that are fulfilling and life affirming.

Two Sides
This can cause one to believe that they have it all together and that the other person is the problem. And while this can stop one from having to look in the mirror, it can cause them to stay stuck.
It could also cause one to feel like a victim and that they have no control when it comes to their relationships. One is then helpless and there is no way for them to have the kind of relationship/s that they want.

More Than An Observer
If one continues to experience the same problems, then it is a sign that they need to look within themselves. As human beings, we play a part in what we experience and then our mind observes what is taking place.
And if one is out of touch with their body, they can end up believing that they have played no part in what is showing up and that they are simply the observers of their reality. But while the people they meet are different, the person who keeps showing up is oneself.

If one reflects on the kind of relationships they have had and are still having, they might begin to notice a number of patterns. For example, one might find that they attract people who are emotionally unavailable, self centred and/or needy, among other things.
When one has a pattern of attracting people are emotionally unavailable, then there is a strong chance that they are not emotionally available either. If one attracts people who are self centred, this could be a sign that one doesn’t feel comfortable with their own needs and believes that other peoples needs are more important.
And the reason one attracts people who are needy is likely to be the result of them being disconnected from their own neediness. The neediness of others is then an externalisation of what they have denied within themselves.

So blaming others might be something one is used to, but if the same people keep showing up, it is going to be important for one to look within themselves. This is likely to be more painful in the short term, but the long term benefits will outweigh the short term pain.
Here one might need the assistance of a therapist or a healer, or some kind of coach. Reading up about relationships will also give one the chance to see why they attract the people they do and why the same problems continually appear.


Wednesday, 7 December 2016

Trying To Remain "Friends" With Your Ex?


Holding on to a failed relationship in the guise that you want him as a friend is in no way a wrong thing to do but the fact that you know it cannot be salvaged and you still hold on to a man who probably has moved on is an injustice to yourself and your love life. Every woman hopes to meet a man who would understand her, appreciate her, love and care for her for the rest of her life but this is not always the case. For one reason or another, you have had a relationship breakdown and the only option was for the both of you to go your separate ways. But out of hope on a possible reconciliation and a makeup, you chose to remain friends with your ex and have him hang around. There’s a danger in this and most women are not even aware of what danger this possess to them.

Having an ex or a past fling hanging around, hoping things could get back to how they were is not entirely a bad idea, after all there is a possibility that you could get back together and work out your differences. But, sometimes, it would not work out like this. Rather than looking up ahead and forging a better life for yourself, you’d still hang on to what is left with this guy, hoping on an ever fading hope of reconciliation. While you are at it, you may be missing your opportunity of meeting a better guy- your Mr. Right. Because you still have this person around, your chance of meeting your Mr. Right becomes diminished. 
You need to understand that obviously your ex may not be coming back and no matter the strategies you use, it is over between the both of you completely. You have to let him go and give other people a chance. Yes, you may have truly loved your ex, you gave your soul, body and heart to him and because of the deep affection you had for him, you have found it difficult to let go. It is time to start breaking off those bonds otherwise you would be stuck with loving someone who would never be with you.

Past flings and Ex’s should be confined to a phase of your life –in the past. You need to get back to living your life and enjoying it. Get out and do things that would clear your mind off these people. Start chasing your career if you weren’t and if you were, it’s time to take it to the next level. Spend time at the gym, Engage in community service, visit the poor and orphaned and give them support. Get busy doing things that would distract your mind from the thoughts of these failed relationships. It is even when you are doing these that your Mr. Right would come around.

Bear in mind that Mr. Right is not going to be Mr. Perfect. You need to be cautious so you don’t repeat the mistakes of your previous relationships. You know the things you did wrong then or tolerated from your ex then. You wouldn’t want a repeat this time. So set boundaries so you both know what you want out of the relationship. Now that you have a better experience, you are better suited to handle your love life.


Saturday, 6 August 2016

How NOT to Ruin Your Lovelife When Mature Dating


There’s nothing wrong with being single, or having a non-traditional relationship. No matter what your love life status, here are some love life tips you can use year-round to make the most of it.
1) Accept how your love life is right now. This isn’t easy, so you’ll have to repeatedly remind yourself, especially when it seems like your circumstances couldn’t get worse. Once you accept being single or your relationship as it is, it will be easier to cherish the good things about your situation, and sometimes that will encourage change for the better.

2) Accept that you don’t need someone else to make you happy. You are all you need, believe it or not. Once you understand this, a relationship becomes an added bonus rather than a narcotic drug you can’t live without. Love addicts experience the crash and yearning for more far more often than the high. 

3) Learn to not care about what other people think about your love life. It’s really none of their business. Do what makes you happy, even if it’s not the norm. If you don’t, you’ll have regrets at the end of your life. 

4) Don’t fall for the “one and only soul mate” lie. Some love life experts claim to have the key to finding “the one,” “your twin soul,” and other fanciful love life goals. We’ve found through our years of empirical research that everyone has many soul mates, and most of them are not meant to result in a life-long, blissful relationship. 

5) Don’t fall for the “together forever” fantasy. Sure, it’s possible, and in rare cases couples do grow old together without great suffering and sacrifices that make them die inside. 
Unfortunately, most couples who commit at a very young age find that they’re not compatible enough for a traditional relationship after five, ten, or twenty years. Couples in prior generations had to remain together due to sociological and economical reasons. Today, singles and couples have more options, and that’s a good thing. The length of a relationship isn’t important; what you learn and the love you give is. 

6) Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t have an ideal relationship, the type of love life that some celebrities seem to have as described in the media. Like an airbrushed photo, what they present to the world and the reality might be two different things. In fact, in some cases, you might be shocked to know the truth about the relationship. 

7) Consider karma and fate. Even if you use your free will to do all you can to improve your love life, and you should, things won’t always go as you hope due to the ever-present laws of karma and fate. This doesn’t mean you’re being punished, but it might mean that you’re going through a learning phase now for a more wonderful love experience later. 

8) Lighten up and relax! It’s so easy to get caught up in your routine and be stressed out from the responsibilities of life. But if you don’t take “me time” to relax, rejuvenate, and become centered, whether it’s through meditation or other ways, it’s more difficult to present your best, beautiful self to your partner or a new potential love interest.


Mature Dating - Perfect Your Online Dating Profile

Online Dating can be a very rewarding experience, but also at times an extremely daunting one. No matter how confident or professionally successfully you are, signing up to a dating site is a scary prospect. Perhaps one of the biggest worries is how to portray yourself effectively in so few lines?

Your online dating profile can be as important as a photo in attracting perspective dates, but how do you sum yourself up accurately and impressively in so few words? Luckily following these few simple tips can make this process a lot easier for you and make your dating experience a whole lot more successful.

Mature Online Dating - UK
Mature Online Dating - South Africa

  1. Be Positive! It is essential to be positive in your approach to online dating and in how you represent yourself. Negativity is a turn off, so in your profile talk about things you love not hate, and how excited you are to be joining a online dating  service, not how nervous or apprehensive you maybe.
  2. Be Unique! There will be thousands of profiles out there; many will be very similar and typical. Make yours stand out from the crowd, don't worry about putting the odd person off, you'll attract much more interest through your individuality and uniqueness.
  3. Use Examples – When describing yourself, don't just say that you like films, say what films you like. If you like reading, what books do you like? If you describe yourself as funny, be funny in your online dating profile, don't just claim it.
  4. Honesty – There may be a big temptation to embroider the truth or even just make things up. You don't need to, you are interesting and exiting enough as you are. Plus if a relationship does happen then these lies may be hard to cover up and come back to bite you.
  5. Photo – Photos are integral to dating websites, despite other temptations you should pick a good, but honest and fairly recent photo of yourself, doing otherwise will just cause complications later. Let the photo show the kind of person you are, if your sporty why not use a picture of you playing a sport?
  6. Relax – One of the biggest advantages of online dating sites is that there is little pressure. Unlike meeting face to face you don't need to be quick witted or confident to impress. You can take your time in producing an impressive profile that says everything you want about yourself, you can make your perfect first impression.

The online dating world is an exciting one, with a lot of opportunities and if you  follow these tips you should be well on the way to many successful dates.

Give Love Another Chance, Now That You Are a Little Wiser

If you've lost a significant other, then it's time to stand up, brave your heart and continue a course that has long been forgotten: DATING.
Granted, it should be understood that age does not necessarily equate to maturity, but most seniors (hopefully) have come to view ideas and events differently than they viewed them in their 20s or 30s.


Are you ready for mature dating?
According to an online suite 101 article, there are many benefits of age that may naturally be implemented in mature dating.  Opinions to the contrary, this isn't necessary a bad thing.  Many Seniors take time to explore their talents or simply to observe more deeply than perhaps they have ever observed in their lives.
Take time to walk in beautiful gardens or to listen to music as you sit and talk softly.

Some questions that will revel your date's interests and personality:

  • What is your most treasured possession and why?
  • Which is the last book you read?
  • Which is the one job in the world that you would love to do?
  • Do you believe a cup is half empty or half full?
  • If you could travel through time, what single mistake would you correct in life?

Mature Dating:  less worry over physical appearance!
That's freedom - Take time to love who you are.

Monday, 1 August 2016

Men Over 40 - Build Your Confidence and Start Dating Again


It seems that some people are born with confidence, while others struggle with even the quickest interactions with strangers. Some people had confidence at one point in their lives and then lost it, but there is no reason to let low self-confidence get you down, as there are plenty of ways to rebuild your confidence.

Work On Your Appearance
Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to be in the shape of a bodybuilder or have the face of a movie star in order to get pretty women. Regardless of what you look like, there is someone out there who will find you incredibly attractive. However, many people who wonder how to build confidence are having a difficult time talking to others because they do not feel good about themselves.
With that said, one of the first steps in your mission to build confidence is to work on your appearance. You should not do this for women; you should do it for yourself! If you feel self-conscious about your weight, try dieting or exercising to shed a couple of pounds. You don't have to lose a lot of weight, even a few pounds will make you instantly feel better about yourself. If your clothing makes you feel like a slob, try going out and buying a couple of new outfits. They do not have to be expensive or fancy, just something that makes you feel good about yourself. If you feel good about your appearance, you will feel more confident when you are talking to others.

Try Talking to Strangers
The next step in building confidence is making conversation with complete strangers. You shouldn't start with women that you are interested in -- instead, start with a friendly guy at a restaurant or an older lady at a gas station. Talking to these people, even briefly, will show you that people aren't going to bite your head off just because you start a conversation with them. In fact, you might make a few friends along the way, and you are bound to at least enjoy a couple of fascinating conversations with others.

Start Small With Women
If the idea of talking to a beautiful woman makes your tongue automatically twist into a knot, you should start out small. A simple "hi, how are you?" is usually sufficient. It is rare that the girl will ignore you and if she does, she probably isn't a girl that you really want to talk to anyway. You will slowly start to see that these women will typically start a short conversation with you, which will instantly help to boost your confidence.

Give Non-Threatening Women a Chance
If talking to the really beautiful women that you see is still intimidating, you can start by talking to a few girls that you see that are a bit more normal-looking. You will not be as intimidated to approach a girl who is average-looking, but you will still learn just how easy it really is to initiate a conversation with a girl. Not to mention, you might find that that average girl is actually incredibly interesting, and you could meet the perfect match during this stage.


Don't Let Setbacks Let You Down
When going through the how to build confidence steps, you will inevitably meet a few rude people. These people may say something rude to you, or they may ignore you completely. Being shot down in this manner can cause plenty of guys with self-confidence issues to clam back up, but don't let this happen to you. It is inevitable that there are rude people in this world, but these people are probably not people that you want to make friends with anyway. Don't let it get you down, and don't hold it against others -- there are still plenty of beautiful, exciting and friendly people in this world for you to talk to.

Wednesday, 20 July 2016

The Art of Mature Dating


Are you afraid of getting older and still having no partner in your life? Well, you need not worry much. Today, age is not a factor for anybody. You can also start dating just like other young people around you. Life has changed a lot for everybody all over the world, so does the definition of dating and relationship. Companionship has no age limit; you can start off anytime you want. 

It may happen when you were so busy in you life that you never realized that you are missing out many thing. But now, with the help of so many professionals and trusted online dating sites, anyone can find their life partners easily now.  As youngsters, we feel awkward when we go out for date. We bother so much about what to wear, how to appear and how to talk to the person. But with matured age, we started talking about everything at ease. Now we know what we are, what we have to talk about and how to understand the person sitting next to us. 

Romance has various colors, and it never ends with matured age. In fact, the more matured we get the more colors we start experiencing. We now understand the need of our lives, the vibes of each other. Here, we face lesser trauma and things like infatuation.  Mature dating can be very helpful to choose the right one for our life. Youngsters sometimes fail to choose the right one and they think that relationships will never going to work out for them.

Matured age comes up with many things. You now have financial security and background which can give you confidence. You have come across a lot of people and you surely know how to start off a conversation. What you two can converse about, how to ask questions and to know about the person's life, background and past if needed. Also it is important to cross check the details and not to disclose everything about your personal life on the very first date. Though, the youngsters usually make these mistakes, matured dating is different than that.

You can also take help from various matchmaker sites. If you search on the website you will get thousands of matchmaker sites. But register with the trusted sites only. Also, make one account for this dating purpose only. So that you can keep a track of the people you are keeping in touch with. There are innumerable fraud people out there, so when you are building up your profile make sure it is perfect, no extra information is provided there.
Remember you are matured and a bit older than most of the people looking for a date. This is not because you didn't get somebody in your life or things didn't work out well for you in the past.  When other people were busy in their love life and relationships you were building up your professional life and now when you are matured enough and also have some time for your personal life, you want to find a partner for dating and long term relationship. So, take the direct way to approach and build up a health and loving relationship.


Never Forget:  Have Fun and Enjoy Managing Your Love Life