Is your jealousy tearing your relationship apart? Are you jealous of every person in your spouse's life that came before you? Do you have a hard time trusting your partner because of your past history of being betrayed? Dr. Phil has advice if jealousy is threatening your future.
- Ask yourself why you are choosing this behavior. Everybody has a
way of being in the world. Is your way being jealous, accusatory,
highly monitoring and smothering? Why are you choosing that?
- Is it because you have a history of being cheated on? There's an
expression: "What I fear, I create." Are you testing your partner until
he just finally fails? If you fear that somebody is going to cheat on
you, you may just push him to a point where someone else may grab his
attention. Imagine if someone else treated your partner with dignity and
respect, didn't challenge his integrity every minute of every hour, but
was in fact accepting and peaceful and harmonious. These are things
that really matter. You need to worry about what you're creating. Ask
yourself: Are you responsible for the previous relationships in which
you were betrayed? Did you run those previous partners off with your
- Jealousy is a poorly disguised need for power and control.
Jealous people are tyrannical, controlling, domineering and completely
insensitive to the impact of their actions on their partner. Are you
getting a power trip off of this? Is the payoff that you keep your
partner on a short leash and completely under your control?
- Choose to respect your partner and make some different choices. You have more power in your love, respect, personality and magnetism than you do in control. You can't make him come home, but you can make him want to come home.
Advice for partners of jealous people:
- You teach people how to treat you. It may be working for your
partner to be jealous because you are paying him/her off. They get a
control fix every time you reassure them, every time you answer the
phone to report on your whereabouts. If he/she calls you 10 times to
check in on you, answer the phone once to offer information, then turn
it off. Stop reinforcing their behavior.
- Although you don't want to pay your partner off for insecure or controlling behavior, you should be an open book. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Respect your partner enough to let him/her know where you are, when you will be back, and what you're doing.