Saturday, 25 June 2016

Controlling Jealousy


Is your jealousy tearing your relationship apart? Are you jealous of every person in your spouse's life that came before you? Do you have a hard time trusting your partner because of your past history of being betrayed? Dr. Phil has advice if jealousy is threatening your future.

  • Ask yourself why you are choosing this behavior. Everybody has a way of being in the world. Is your way being jealous, accusatory, highly monitoring and smothering? Why are you choosing that?
  • Is it because you have a history of being cheated on? There's an expression: "What I fear, I create." Are you testing your partner until he just finally fails? If you fear that somebody is going to cheat on you, you may just push him to a point where someone else may grab his attention. Imagine if someone else treated your partner with dignity and respect, didn't challenge his integrity every minute of every hour, but was in fact accepting and peaceful and harmonious. These are things that really matter. You need to worry about what you're creating. Ask yourself: Are you responsible for the previous relationships in which you were betrayed? Did you run those previous partners off with your jealous behavior?
  • Jealousy is a poorly disguised need for power and control. Jealous people are tyrannical, controlling, domineering and completely insensitive to the impact of their actions on their partner. Are you getting a power trip off of this? Is the payoff that you keep your partner on a short leash and completely under your control?
  • Choose to respect your partner and make some different choices. You have more power in your love, respect, personality and magnetism than you do in control. You can't make him come home, but you can make him want to come home.

Advice for partners of jealous people:

  • You teach people how to treat you. It may be working for your partner to be jealous because you are paying him/her off. They get a control fix every time you reassure them, every time you answer the phone to report on your whereabouts. If he/she calls you 10 times to check in on you, answer the phone once to offer information, then turn it off. Stop reinforcing their behavior.
  • Although you don't want to pay your partner off for insecure or controlling behavior, you should be an open book. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Respect your partner enough to let him/her know where you are, when you will be back, and what you're doing. 

Friday, 10 June 2016

Smart Decisions For People Over Forty To Reward the Rest of Your Life

If you stop to think about it, you know the difference between those who make smart, considered choices, and those who seem to let life push them around. You probably know people who succeed despite difficulties and bad breaks, and people who seem to have everything handed to them, but still can’t get it together. You know people whose lives seem full of satisfaction and accomplishment, and others who don’t feel that they have achieved anything worthwhile, so their lives are full of regret and complaints.
Cooperating and being congenial with the people you care about makes your relationships run more smoothly (at least on the surface). However, when you relinquish your power to decide for yourself, your self-esteem suffers, and you feel out of control and unimportant, even in your own life. 


As you reflect on the people you know, can you see the difference between those who know how to make good decisions, and those who aren’t sure what to do? None of us is completely confident with every choice we make in life, but those who understand that their decisions will create their outcome and choose accordingly feel more secure more of the time.

As a mature adult, you are approaching the time of greater freedom and greater responsibility toward yourself. Because you’ve lived long enough to master the basic skills of life, you may be wondering what else there is. For many in mid-life, going through days focused on material things and daily chores no longer seems to be sufficient. At this point, people begin to search for a different kind of meaning. “What is my life about?” they ask. “I have most everything I want. Why doesn’t it feel like enough?”

Understanding the important issues of this phase of your life, and being prepared to re-evaluate your goals, find meaning, and make new choices are the tasks you face now. How you meet these challenges will make the difference in how satisfying and rewarding the rest of your life will be. From experience, you know you cannot control everything that happens to you. But you can control the your reaction and response to the events around you. If you can think clearly despite changes, surprises and unplanned circumstances, you will make good choices, and succeed in all the ways you want to.

You can reorganize and restructure your goals to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, financially and socially, no matter what your life circumstances have brought you. This is your opportunity to make the most of your life, to bring long-awaited dreams into reality, and to create meaning and satisfaction for yourself.