Ready To Get Back Out There?
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK
Men and women have to redefine themselves after a relationship
ends, and reinvent their lives. If they do it well, it can lead to the
most satisfying and successful years they've had. Dating successfully after divorce or a breakup require several steps to recover from the breakup.
Understanding what went wrong in the last relationship, so you don't repeat the pattern.
Identifying the kind of partner you're looking for and developing social networks involving these kinds of people.
Some people never date again or don't do so for a long time. People who
wait a long time, or never date are trying to avoid repeating old
mistakes and having hurt feelings, loss, disappointment and grief.
This is akin to not changing anything in your departed partner's
closet, because you don't want to face the pain. A better way to do it
is to work through the pain, and learn from it as you go. You can figure
out what went wrong, what your mistakes were, and how to correct all
that and re-think your idea of relationships. This may require the help
of a therapist.
Once you've taken the steps needed to recover from a breakup ,
finding a new love is simple, because you've changed the odds to be in
your favor. But there are a few tips to help you as you start dating again. MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK
1. Don't have sex right away with your new partner.
Keep in mind that, if you have sex right away, it usually brands the
relationship as sex -only and you don't get taken seriously. So, if you
want to see if you can manage it, pick someone you're attracted to, but
realize there's no relationship there. Also, if you are the type who
bonds upon having sex, keep that in mind -- your partner may not be, so
make sure there's some bonding there before you try it.
2. Take precautions when you do have sex.
Safer sex, of course. If you're female, don't just worry about pregnancy
-- make sure you're informed about disease, as well. Sexually
Transmitted Diseases (STDs) can be deadly and devastating, so always
provide a condom and insist on using it unless you're both tested and in
a committed relationship (with someone you can trust).
3. Deal with the awkwardness of sex with a new partner.
I recommend the zen idea of a beginner's mind: Accept that everything you’re doing now is new to you, and open yourself to learning
about it. Wide-eyed wonder at whatever happens is very attractive. I’m
not talking about being brainless or thoughtless. On the contrary. A
beginner’s mind is alert, observing, and open to new ideas. Your
objective is to learn — about what people are doing, who they are, what
the possibilities are and how it all fits in to your goals.
Everything you’ve learned about relationships and dating
in your past is certainly useful, and you’ll draw on it as we go along,
but your general approach to this process is as a beginner -- 'I’m new
at this, I want to learn.' Because you are a beginner, you can open
lots of conversations by simply asking questions about what’s going on.
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK